i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
