I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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