OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
