the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
