He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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