my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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