My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
