Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
this is an emotional support booty call
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
