piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
