any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
