We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
