I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
