For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
