Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
