what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
