I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
