Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My liver just broke up with me...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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