I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The adults are the big ones right?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
