If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
