if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
