What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Someone signed my nipple.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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