i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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