my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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