We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
