I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
