I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
