i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
