He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I am midnight drunk by noon
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
