community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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