you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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