i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
