Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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