I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
