Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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