The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
