My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
