Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
