it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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