I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
