After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
