Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
