Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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