Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
