put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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