Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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