So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
