found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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