Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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