If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wish I only lived at night.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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