your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Me. At least after what I've been through.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
